Author: Fred Blahnik

Intelligence rules mankind, but only up to a certain point.  When some heavily-muscled, sadistic guy is in the process of gleefully kicking the living shit out of you, it doesn’t do you a whole lot of good to quote erudite verses of Shakespeare and to cite Einstein’s theories regarding the futility and illogic of violence and to invoke Mahatma Gandhi’s principles disparaging physical confrontation.  That’s where virility enters the picture and there is no intellectual equivalent for said, nor will there ever be so long as natural resources are fixed while the population of ANY living organism—doesn’t matter one bit how sophisticated and advanced that organism might be—is not.  Primal physicality rules in the beginning and, most unfortunately, in the extreme end as well.

Life is constantly casting arrows in your direction, and the secret to finding happiness during your stay on Earth is by dodging as many of those arrows as humanly possible.  Furthermore, the key to dodging said arrows is to detect them as far in advance as feasible in order that you can then scheme and take appropriate evasive actions sans a hurried, nervous, mistake-prone state of mind.  This mystical quality is otherwise known as foresight, not to be confused with intelligence.

To a person who has been deaf for twenty years, even the braying of an especially obnoxious jackass constitutes beautiful music.  To one who has been blinded since birth, the sight of a northbound horse’s south end is breathtakingly gorgeous.  To an individual who was born congenitally colorblind, gazing at a bedazzling mallard drake through uber-modern restorative lenses is astonishingly revealing, not to mention lovely.  The moral of this story?  Relativity reigns supreme, just as it always has and always will.  Gray is the only color that really matters and adaptability is paramount.  Show me someone whose lifetime creed is absolutism, and I’ll in turn show you the aforementioned south end of a northbound horse and tack that person’s name squarely on the hole in the middle of it.

Trying to slow down the passage of time is about as futile as trying to pick up a greasy slice of daylight between your thumb and forefinger.  More than impractical.  Impossible to do.   Hopelessly wanting.   You measure the passage of time not with a clock or a calendar or a wristwatch, but with the proliferation of wrinkles on your face, the stealthy invasion of gray in the little hair that remains on top of your head, the increasing number of midget holes you must skip over on your belt in order to keep your trousers hitched up and still be able to breathe, and the tectonic ongoing shift occurring within your brain as pragmatism gradually replaces youthful idealism.  Time ultimately changes us—Certainly not vice versa; not even a hint of that!—independent of any superhuman measures we may take to repel or even slow its surge.  Time unfalteringly wins and human lives unfalteringly lose.  There has never been a documented case of a draw in this long-running tournament.

…..from an intellectual standpoint, she advanced further into that uncharted wilderness of ignorance than any human being ever had before her.  Not Albert Einstein, not Isaac Newton, not Stephen Hawking, not Friedrich Nietzsche, not……anyone.  She was a trailblazer nonpareil, plying invious intellectual territory no one had thought to explore previously.  And yet she received zero credit for her efforts.  Not minimal credit, mind you—NO credit.  And in the end that glaring lack of respect broke her spirit, left her depressed and embittered—a brainy Humpty Dumpty.  She had gone by herself cerebrally where no one else had thought to go before, but it meant nothing, counted for nothing, stood for nothing.  No one believed any of her discoveries anyway and, far worse, no one bothered to even take her claims seriously.  And then she thought to ask herself philosophically the most fundamental question of all:  In life, can happiness—the irrefutable currency of human sentience—be most relished as an inquisitive genius…..or as a blissful ignoramus who cares about nothing other than eating, sleeping, and fucking?…..

…..the bonds of love that held them together were tenuous…..inordinately weak…..made of sand…..and any amount of jostling, however small, risked severing them altogether.  Consequently, he resolved to sit her down upon an imperious throne and not do anything—ANYTHING, I SAY!!!—to disrupt those hallowed bonds, even it meant forfeiting all hope of happiness for himself in the indefinite future and beyond.  Said was not a particularly difficult decision for him, lest you’re thinking otherwise, because she was his undisputed princess who embodied the one true love of his life, and as such her undiluted happiness was infinitely more valuable to him than his own.  He would live his life for her from this point forward, and that would afford her the freedom to pursue interests she genuinely enjoyed sans the millstone of attending to a theoretically equal relationship hanging about her neck…..

The future is far more frightening from a distance.  Up close—when you’re finally there and caught up in the midst of it and it magically transforms into the present—that big bully off in the distance loses much of his mojo and suddenly appears quite ordinary and vulnerable and ripe for the taking.  Opportunities seem to cryptically manifest where once stood only an endless string of doubts and uncertainties.  Fear subsides and makes a mad dash for cover, while optimism and excitement wed to unbridled anticipation rush in to fill the vacuum it left behind.  Suddenly everything appears much more doable than when viewed through a telescope from ten miles away.  This is not because life inexplicably became easier; it hasn’t.  It is because life became more lucid and manageable when seen from close up.

…..they were all saying essentially the same thing; she just knew how to communicate the information in a better way.  She felt no need to apologize for this state of affairs either.  After all, she willingly deferred to others in areas where she knew she was not strong or gifted.  Others should do the same in return.  Pretending you are well-versed in areas you are weak is just a sham; nothing of benefit stems from such a dynamic.  Rather, cream always rises to the top of the vessel and dross settles to the bottom.  Of note, this is not meant as a general statement or an indictment.  It only means that in areas where one is wanting you should graciously defer to others who are obviously more talented than yourself.  Conversely, in those subject matters where you possess transparent proclivities, others should automatically defer to your judgment as well.  Without hesitation or question, too.  You intuitively know what those skilled areas are by now; as an adult, you don’t need to be educated about your own strengths by others.  And if someone less talented than yourself in a certain realm tries to invade your territory—attempts to usurp your personal domain, in other words—feel free to simply tell them to go “Fuck off, you bottom-feeding faker!!!”  Rigorously protect your own areas of expertise, and then don’t feel threatened or put off when others rightfully defend theirs…..

…..and the cowards will claim courage and move to take action only after the dynamic they face changes dramatically and  the very ground they stand upon shifts  markedly under their feet.  They will feign conscience and pretend moral fortitude only after the camel’s back has been broken and the rubber has hit the road and critical mass has not only been reached, but long since surpassed.  Cowards never act; they only react when faced with circumstances which they cannot in any way avoid.  Cowards do not require that any forward gears be built into their personal vehicles; they only need two gears with which to navigate life:  “Neutral” and especially “Reverse”…..

Life is a marathon, not a sprint—a sonnet, not some nondescript snippet of haiku.  A shooting star flashing across the night sky piques your senses, but a slow-moving comet inspires long-lasting wonder and awe.  A movie trailer may captivate for a handful of seconds, but that teaser falls promiscuously short of the full dessert yet to come.  A teaspoon of chocolate ice cream briefly charms, but a heaping bowl of the same pabulum enthralls.  The short haul generates excitement, but the long haul generates greatness.  Dig in and confront life directly; don’t go cowardly skirting around its fringes!