Author: Fred Blahnik

• Do you still recall the time you had a minor epiphany and realized that not everyone looked at things exactly the same way you do? That they possessed a different viewpoint and consequently addressed issues in a majorly different manner than you?  That they viewed problems through a different lens than you—a foreign lens which you never encountered on display in a storefront, let alone held in your hands to closely examine?  That their cognitive process worked drastically different from your own, thus churning out beliefs and dogma and “prejudices” drastically different from your own as well?  Well, my friend, the day that epiphany occurred also coincided with the conception of your TRUE maturity, a day when you graduated from an uncomprehending naïf who innocently believed that everyone’s thought process was homogenous to a discerning individual who understands that free will, free thought, and free expression birth an infinite number of viewpoints and perspectives—as many as there are currently people in existence on the face of our planet Earth.  And to authentically understand this crucial concept is to finally embrace the level of maturity which is rightfully expected of an adult Homo sapiens—past, present, and future.  Not to suffer all fools and endorse bald ignorance and rush out to purchase a MAGA cap, mind you, but just to recognize the diversity of opinions “out there” in the humansphere as well as the virtually indestructible roots from which many of those questionable opinions germinate and attendant futility in attempting to pull them up to be exposed to therapeutic sunlight.

• Trust actions majorly more than words. Words are intrinsically worthless, deceitful little bastards with few redeeming qualities.  That’s why things like promises, apologies, (excessive) praise, phony “I love you”s, verbal commitments, tired old clichés, and their other lowbrow cousins are vastly overrated.  And saying “overrated” here is being far too gentle:  Those aforementioned verbal vehicles are hollow…..unredeemable……useless…..nothing, actually.  Words require no sweat equity nor do they demand any form of sentimental down payment, thus their net value is zero.  Yes, zero, as in the manifestation of nothingness!  Show me, don’t tell me.  And if you can’t or are for some unexplained reason scared to show me, then all the words in the world—when distilled down to their primeval essence—are equal to, but definitely do not exceed, their basic chemical composition:  Legions of ill-used, physically transformed oxygen molecules unceremoniously dumped into the duped atmosphere in front of your face—an ethereal substrate which irrefutably was designed for much larger and nobler purposes than meekly accepting embarrassing blather from excuse-makers.

“You Can’t Go Back…..”

By Frederick J. Blahnik

 

 

And so the small-town newspaper reporter asked the grizzled old man who was living in a nursing home and celebrating his one hundredth birthday:

“What do you think about turning one hundred years old?”

No doubt expecting some flowery soliloquy or long-winded response espousing all of his gratitude for having lived so long

But the old man was taciturn to a fault and surprised her with his brief reply

Inasmuch as he expressed his whole philosophy of aging in a meager four words…..

“You can’t go back…..”

 

“You can’t go back…..”

 

What extraordinary profundity in just four words!!

He could have rambled on indefinitely about the nature of life and the invaluable lessons to be learned on a daily basis and the importance of nurturing critical relationships and the transcendence of a stalwart spiritual faith and his anticipation for advancing forward into a better, eternal place once his time on Earth ends

Yet he didn’t mention any of those things

“You can’t go back…..”

Truer words were never spoken!

 

“You can’t go back…..”

 

We can always look back…..

And think back

And wish that we had done some things differently along the way

And maybe changed or reprioritized some of our intimate relationships from past years

Changed everything, even

We always wonder about how differently things may have turned out had we only done this or done that…….done this or done that..….done this or done that…….

And yet, at the end of the day…..and at the end of a life…….

“You cannot actually go back and do things over…..”

 

“You can’t go back…..”

 

How many times in our lives have we hoped and prayed that we could just turn back the clock and relive parts of our lives and change the course of history–not world history, mind you, but just our own picayune, miserable, inconsequential little lives?

How many times have we laid awake at night commiserating over a bad decision gone awry?

How many times have we found ourselves bellyaching to our subconscious:  “If only I could have a mulligan on that lousy decision I just made……”

Ain’t never gonna happen, my friend……

“You can’t go back…..”

 

“You can’t go back…..”

 

The wizened old fossil could have said anything to the newspaper reporter and, coming from the mouth of a centurion, it would have naturally sounded prescient and profound.

Yet by volition he limited himself to a succinct four words

Four words that should resonate with anyone, which is to say EVERYONE, who has ever made a poor choice in their life.

Sagacious words to live by every day of one’s earthly transit, words that you should definitely not have to age to the dizzying number of one hundred years in order to understand their sublime relevance.

Words that transcend nosy reporters’ inane questions and speak to the very essence of life itself.

Incredibly splendid words by which to live every day of our preternatural existence.

“You can’t go back…..”

 

No, you can NEVER go back………

 

The past is timeless, just as the future—That vast warehouse of worthless, unrequited dreams!—is also timeless.

 

Only the present comes with form and boundaries.

Only the present can be trusted.

 

Today is your only guarantee……and therefore your best and only hope when pitted against an unchangeable past and a future sans warranty……

• …..there’s a giant invisible gorilla in the room as I write this, and the menacing creature is growing larger by the minute. The time is coming—Soon now!—when everyone will have to choose up sides. You can either be on the side of right or on the side of wrong.  One or the other.  Black or white.  North or south.  East or west.  Inside or outside.  A premium on the truth or a penchant for egregious dishonesty.  Scruples or a wanton indifference to morality.  An eye on the future or an eye on the past.  Renounce criminal behavior or continue rabidly supporting a loudmouthed lawbreaker.  Gratefully endorse our long-running, highly successful form of republican government or stand idly by—cheering actually—while some dishonest, feckless megalomaniac takes a wrecking ball to it.  A society struggling to improve itself by looking to the days ahead or Donald Trump and more hideously blind addiction to those not-so-perfect days of yore.  You cannot straddle the fence on this transcendent issue; that is no longer possible, if in fact it ever was.  So where will YOU stand, Reader?  Where does your fealty lie?  Do you want posterity to remember you as a principled, noble patriot…..or as a spineless, hypocritical enabler?  When all is said and done, these are THE only two options open to you when you render your character-defining decision.  You can either stand stalwartly behind a cowardly, chronically lying, immoral bigot or you can cast your lot with legions of true patriots who do appreciate our country’s rich heritage but, more importantly, embrace the diverse, enlightened society we are in the process of attempting to improve and henceforth maintain for those who come after us.  That is what this whole stinky situation distills down to in the end:  Are your eyes trained on the past (“Let’s make America great again!” as you frantically wave your stupid red ball cap high in the air above your head as though that’s somehow synonymous with concrete constructive action) or on the future and your children’s future and your grandchildren’s future.  You’ll have to look inside your heart and make this seminal decision all by yourself and then live with the consequences afterwards, since you only get one chance to cast your vote on the immediate future and the direction it will take.  Correction:  Time moves in only one direction and that is unceasingly forward; it is humanity’s mindset which is the single variable in this basic equation governing progress.  Yet remember above all else, the future does not belong solely to you and hence should NEVER be treated as an obsequiously indentured servant just dying to wait on you at your personal beck and call.  Instead, the future belongs to ALL of us, but undoubtedly more so to the youthful members of society who still have the lion’s share of their lives to live.  In that respect, the future logically belongs more to them than it does to older members of a society, many of whom seem to harbor this peculiar sense that their accrued time on Earth bestows upon them special rights and privileges that younger co-habitants for some reason are required to earn.  Why?!  Their argument makes no sense, is inane, is not tethered to any chain of logic.  I’m afraid life in the guise of fate doesn’t work this way, namely playing favorites along strict generational lines, nor should it.  Youngsters, given tragic circumstances, can die just as easily as oldsters.  Youngsters’ sentience is no less miraculous than individuals thrice their age.  Youngsters harbor the same hopes and dreams and aspirations—More, surely, given their reduced age!—than persons who are long in years and long in the tooth.  The constitution of DNA in both the young and the old is exactly the same.  Advancing age does not—And more importantly SHOULD not!—confer greater stature and privileges on certain members of a society.  Thus do not allow anyone to pretend and arrogantly trumpet that it should and that their importance to society exceeds certain other members’.  The young have just as many chips invested in that massive kitty sitting in the middle of the poker table as do the oldsters and MAGA impostors.  More, actually, as I previously elucidated.  So, yes, Reader, ominous, sinister clouds darken the horizon now and the day of reckoning is swiftly approaching, a reckoning that will irrefutably be the greatest societal decision that any of us will be asked to make in our lifetimes.  You can either side up with a dishonest, serially corrupt tyrant, or you can join throngs of others in casting a vote for the young people of today, for newness and optimism, for hope and compassion—for the future, for God’s sake!  How will you decide?  At the risk of belaboring this fundamental point, you will only get one opportunity to choose, hence choose wisely, My Friend, and be advised of the fact your legacy can never be changed or varnished once you leave this earthly domain.  Let’s face reality here:  Donald Trump is no more reflective of the beliefs and values that made America great in the first place—courage, honesty, sympathy, empathy, fairmindedness, humility, compassion, tolerance, starting at the bottom and gradually working your way up—than a skunk makes a credible ambassador for the perfume industry.  To suggest anything else is embarrassingly disingenuous.  History WILL judge you, and don’t expect that judgment to be kind if you error on the side of tyranny.  Regrets are permanent, as will be your unsavory standing and posthumous reputation in the eyes of any and all successors on the face of this only planet known to definitively support life as we Homo sapiens know it, and who (most of us, at least) appreciate and exalt in that singular privilege and strongly desire for those who follow in our footsteps to reap the same benefits and rewards as have been bestowed upon us by thoughtful, unselfish predecessors…..

• Your initial gut instinct is the one you should invariably follow. Do not allow this primal barometer to be overruled by distractions or by overthinking a situation.  Trust your gut, and your gut will reciprocate with intuitive reliability nearly every time it is called upon.  Advanced metrics and grandmaster strategizing are almost never necessary to solve a problem, however difficult.  They just add more nuisancey appendages to a troubling issue without shedding any beneficial light on it.  Remember, there are a million possible solutions to any problem, but only one that is right.  When in doubt, go with your gut and never look back!

• …..the two friends were sitting around doing nothing one Saturday morning following a hard week of work. These young people were celebrating their precious free time by drinking obscenely expensive lattes in a trendy neighborhood coffee shop.  A day-old (week-old maybe?) newspaper was haphazardly sprawled out on the table before them, and it was opened to the obituary section.  A raft of obituaries was featured in that day’s edition of the newspaper, most of them showcasing grainy photographs obviously taken scores of years earlier of septuagenarians and octogenarians who had  recently moved past the realm of consciousness.  One of the youthful loiterers glanced down at the newspaper and casually mentioned how unfortunate the situation was, wherein it seemed there was a disproportionate number of geriatrics who had recently passed away.  Her tablemate scoffed at this faux concern, nearly choking on a swig of deluxe coffee as her face broke into a grimace.  “Unfortunate?!?!  Why is that so unfortunate???  Forgive me for saying so and I know I’m pissing on the gods of compassion and sentimentalism and all that other politically correct bullshit when I say this, but what you’re describing is actually good news for us younger people, Melissa!  For each of these brainwashed old societal parasites that passes away, that just means our chances of ousting fuckin’ Donald Trump and his despicable pack of chauvinistic Republican cronies in next November’s election and thereby drastically improving both our as well as our progeny’s future just improved by one vote…..”

• …..a lot of the time—MOST of the time, in fact—it simply boils to confidence. Do you harbor supreme confidence in the individual in question?  Do you trust them implicitly?  Do you trust them to do the right thing, not just part of the time but ALL of the time?  Do you, ultimately…..trust them with your own life???  These are the seminal questions which demand answering before you rush forth gushing about how much you love and have faith in somebody—anybody!  If you don’t possess this level of trust right now, then the blunt truth is you probably never will.  And then those loud proclamations of confidence and love you keep boasting about ring hollower than a sixteen-gallon keg of cheap, foul-tasting beer following a Friday night college fraternity party…..

• …..an opportunity was there for me, but like all stupid ignoramuses I mistook it for a problem instead and instinctively fled the scene in a panic without acting. But akin to virtually every opportunity that manifests, this chance was present for only an instant before disappearing with all the grandiosity of a ghost, and I was then left to live with eternal regrets of what might have been had I only possessed the courage and intuition to recognize lopsided rewards in a reasonable period of time and thereupon marshalled the courage necessary to confront a highly fluid situation head-on and forcefully.  But that didn’t happen.  Nothing remotely close to that.  I did not act decisively during the pivotal moment, thus I am now left holding an empty bag while I trudge away from the scene of the “crime” pushing a wheelbarrow loaded chockfull of regrets, remorse, and ruefulness, even as some other lucky fool  (Luck?!?!  Hell, no, luck had nothing to do with the outcome!!!) runs off grinning fiendishly with his jumbo-sized bag overflowing…..

• …..he didn’t know how to swim—had never been taught one stroke in his entire fuckin’ life—yet he still instantly and instinctively jumped into the water to save his drowning daughter. And what else would you expect the guy to do?  Isn’t that what fathers—and mothers too of course—are supposed to do?  Would you rather have him stand safely in the boat and watch his indescribably precious progeny—a product of his own loins and the next link in the chain of life; one of only a tiny handful of people designated to carry his DNA into the future—die a tragic death right in front of his eyes while he stood by doing nothing to promote saving her?  Now, understand, this man realized clearly that his valiant rescue attempt was tantamount to suicide—he stood about as much chance of “swimming” as a five-gallon bucket of lead ballast might—but do you think he really cared about that?  Do you think that was his uppermost priority?    Even in the mere split second he had available to process roughly a million conflicting thoughts before diving into the water, he understood in absolute terms that he would majorly prefer dying while attempting to rescue his thrashing, panicky daughter than live for an indefinite number of years afterward knowing full well that he had stood by passively watching……doing nothing of substance to preserve and extend her life.  There was no way he could ever live with that knowledge, no way he could ever look into a mirror in the future and respect the figure looking back at him.  To the contrary, the loathing—hatred even—he would undoubtedly direct at that cravenly individual would be mind-boggling…..colossal…..off the charts.  The decision he faced that fateful day then—the decision to commit what would almost certainly amount to an unplanned suicide, short of divine intervention—was probably the easiest decision he had been asked to make in his whole adult life, easier even than what to order for supper at the greasy-spoon Mexican restaurant on West Third Street his family had stopped to eat at just the other night.  He could not fathom for the life of him (or death too, as it sadly turned out) how anyone could feel differently about the subject and still call themself a normal, compassionate, species-serving human being…..

• Anything said before the word “but” in a conversation is innately disingenuous. PERIOD!!!!  The speaker may as well save their breath and the listener’s time by eliminating that portion of the conversation altogether.  Usage of the word “but” indicates the speaker doesn’t actually mean  what they have just said; they’re only using it as a bridge to make the conversation less awkward before diving full-bore into some kind of excuse to rationalize their behavior.  Using the word “but” is meant to placate the listener into believing they have been thoughtfully heard and that their opinion is respected and valued. In truth, this bridge to nowhere only serves as a prelude to the speaker next launching into a passive-aggressive defense of their behavior, thereby negating everything they said prior to that obnoxiously pervasive word popping up.  “But” is code for excuse-making, for lame personal defenses, and for shifting the blame—rightfully or wrongly, doesn’t make one scintilla of difference in the big picture.  As such, whenever you hear the word “but” being utilized in conversation, simply disregard everything that was said up to that point in time; it was useless offal—worthless tripe!  For example:  “I’m sorry, but…..”=The speaker isn’t sorry at all.  “I did my best, but…..”=The speaker very likely did NOT do their best.  “I accept my share of the blame for this failed project, but…..”=”Those incompetent sons-of-bitches you assigned me to work with dragged me down with them!”  “I was going to do that yesterday, but…..”=”I thought about doing that chore for all of five seconds before deciding I would rather go to a ball game.”  “I wanted to stop over at your place to see you, but……”=”I really don’t like you at all, so why the hell would I decide to waste any of my precious time visiting an asshole like you?!”  “I was planning on doing it, but…..”=”I never had any intention of doing it. That would have been a colossal waste of my time!”  And so on and so on and so on.  Get the idea by now?  “But” is the kingpin fallback word for whenever someone is preparing to make an excuse, yet they don’t want their listener to believe they are legitimately doing so.  Lamer than a foundering horse, I know, but that’s the unvarnished nature of the beast we’re assessing here.  The solution?  Simple!!!   Just be honest in all of your conversations.  If you feel that you have been aggrieved, for God’s sake say so!  If you feel that you have been unfairly blamed, for God’s sake say so!  If you don’t feel like doing something, for God’s sake say so!  If you don’t feel like an apology is warranted, for God’s sake don’t offer one if it is anything other than authentic!  Understand, most people are not stupid; they realize when sincerity is lacking and resent that far more than if they had been the beneficiary of a raw, honest answer (albeit burnished with a protective layer of tact to safeguard feelings) in the first place.  Lesson for today:  Pitch the word “but” into the trash bin and converse truthfully, sincerely, and concisely.  If you cannot do that, then definitely don’t go running around whining and bitching about why people don’t seem to trust you and don’t appreciate you.