Appropriation

(Excerpted from the upcoming book “West by Northwest”)

For those of my readers unfamiliar with the culture of northern Minnesota, one prominent statue of Paul Bunyan is situated at the gateway to the uniquely gritty small city of Bemidji, and then there is another equally impressive one located in the fishing mecca of Brainerd not far to the southeast.  Both are appropriately sited, of course, inasmuch as legend holds the North Woods of Minnesota was irrefutably Paul Bunyan’s birthplace and favorite playground.  Not, mind you, Crescent City, California; seeing Paul Bunyan and his sidekick Babe the Blue Ox venerated there seemed woefully out of place and shamefully improper.  Here we were touring in northern California, being inundated with this mellow, laid-back, devil-may-care California mentality, and then the five of us upper midwestern Blahniks were stunned to see hard-working Paul and Babe being celebrated in the midst of all that sloth and succor. 

Shame shame shame on you, thieving Californians!!!  You shouldn’t be appropriating a cultural icon from the North Woods of Minnesota, yes, THAT Minnesota, the blue-collar fantabulous Land of 10,000 Lakes and Bud Grant and Jesse “The Body” Ventura and lefse and lutefisk.  Minnesota isn’t trying to pilfer the Golden Gate Bridge, Baywatch, and the Beach Boys from you now, are they, California?!?!  So stop perpetrating this contemptible ruse on the outside world, you fake, asshole poseurs!!!