- Anything said before the word “but” in a conversation is innately disingenuous. PERIOD!!!! The speaker may as well save their breath and the listener’s time by eliminating that portion of the conversation altogether. Usage of the word “but” indicates the speaker doesn’t actually mean what they have just said; they’re only using it as a bridge to make the conversation less awkward before diving full-bore into some kind of excuse to rationalize their behavior. Using the word “but” is meant to placate the listener into believing they have been thoughtfully heard and that their opinion is respected and valued. In truth, this bridge to nowhere only serves as a prelude to the speaker next launching into a passive-aggressive defense of their behavior, thereby negating everything they said prior to that obnoxiously pervasive word popping up. “But” is code for excuse-making, for lame personal defenses, and for shifting the blame—rightfully or wrongly, doesn’t make one scintilla of difference in the big picture. As such, whenever you hear the word “but” being utilized in conversation, simply disregard everything that was said up to that point in time; it was useless offal—worthless tripe! For example: “I’m sorry, but…..”=The speaker isn’t sorry at all. “I did my best, but…..”=The speaker very likely did NOT do their best. “I accept my share of the blame for this failed project, but…..”=”Those incompetent sons-of-bitches you assigned me to work with dragged me down with them!” “I was going to do that yesterday, but…..”=”I thought about doing that chore for all of five seconds before deciding I would rather go to a ball game.” “I wanted to stop over at your place to see you, but……”=”I really don’t like you at all, so why the hell would I decide to waste any of my precious time visiting an asshole like you?!” “I was planning on doing it, but…..”=”I never had any intention of doing it. That would have been a colossal waste of my time!” And so on and so on and so on. Get the idea by now? “But” is the kingpin fallback word for whenever someone is preparing to make an excuse, yet they don’t want their listener to believe they are legitimately doing so. Lamer than a foundering horse, I know, but that’s the unvarnished nature of the beast we’re assessing here. The solution? Simple!!! Just be honest in all of your conversations. If you feel that you have been aggrieved, for God’s sake say so! If you feel that you have been unfairly blamed, for God’s sake say so! If you don’t feel like doing something, for God’s sake say so! If you don’t feel like an apology is warranted, for God’s sake don’t offer one if it is anything other than authentic! Understand, most people are not stupid; they realize when sincerity is lacking and resent that far more than if they had been the beneficiary of a raw, honest answer (albeit burnished with a protective layer of tact to safeguard feelings) in the first place. Lesson for today: Pitch the word “but” into the trash bin and converse truthfully, sincerely, and concisely. If you cannot do that, then definitely don’t go running around whining and bitching about why people don’t seem to trust you and don’t appreciate you.
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Fred's Soapbox 