My Long-necked Lover

My  Long-necked Lover

By Frederick J. Blahnik

 

Scoping the town last Friday night

McMurphy’s Saloon…..

Patrons crammed together shoulder-to-shoulder in the dim light

But then I spied HER, standing up at the bar

And, honey, it was love at first sight!

 

Sidled right up next to her, my eyes never once leaving her shapely curves

Yet when I slyly slipped my right hand around her body, I could tell the bartender thought I had a lot of nerve

I looked him square in the eye, winked and smiled….the guy just shook his head.

Then as my lips daintily brushed up against her fragile mouth

I heard him whisper, but couldn’t understand what he said.

 

So I escorted my baby out to the dance floor

All the while relishing her smooth feel and exquisite aroma

As my lips once again reached to envelope her mouth

Someone clubbed me hard from behind on the shoulder.

 

I saw my love tumbling fast toward the dance floor

Couldn’t catch her in time–I’m not sure it mattered

She hit the ground with a resounding crash

Then lay there helpless…..visibly shattered…..

 

Anger boiled over inside my breast at that moment; totally furious, Fred turned bright red

I next wheeled around to confront the bartender sneering at me, and this is exactly what I said:

 

“Why’d you have to do that, you miserable, cold-cockin’, son-of-a-bitchin’ asshole?!!  I’d have gladly paid for that long-necked bottle of Grain Belt beer if you’d only had the balls to ask me!!!”