Burglar

Burglar

By Frederick J. Blahnik

 

The sanctity of our house came under attack last night

A vile burglar–operating solely by himself and thus the lone caretaker and conservator of his questionable conscience–secured illegal entry in the wee hours of the morning

He then proceeded to roam unfettered throughout our living space, violating all the commonly accepted rules of privacy

The unbelievable hubris of that small fellow!

Sneaking into our domicile uninvited, and then making himself completely at home just like a distinguished houseguest

And, furthermore, smugly assuming he had us totally outsmarted

However, to his everlasting chagrin, this vile burglar overstayed his welcome.

Because this morning, upon arising from bed, I serendipitously discovered his presence

And thereupon proceeded to confront him face-to-face

I had the scofflaw cornered and at bay, and an unmistakable look of fear and bewilderment was etched across his sneering, pointed face

Where has all that conceit and bombast gone now, Cocky Little Fellow?!

But, amazingly, I felt a tiny degree of sympathy for the guilty-as-hell felon as well

Even as I collected my pre-positioned sticky trap from the floor next to a laundry room wall, where his tiny feet were inextricably entrapped within its gooey clutches

And then–foregoing his Miranda rights and his entitlement to a fair trial by a jury of his peers and even a final meal of his own choosing–I immediately pronounced a sentence of death and carted this vile burglar off to the gallows for a stylish, old-fashioned execution.